Popular Sayings (Said In A Parenting Context)

March 2, 2018March 2, 2018 joshuasdadjames

Some of the things people say are a bit mad aren’t they?

You know what I mean, popular sayings and turns of phrase that ‘roll off the tongue’ without a thought for where they come from. ‘The early bird gets the worm’ is a perfect example, Heather from Shank You Very Much recently asked: “Who the hell wants a worm, anyway?” (and she’s right, just like her, I’d prefer to be fashionably late with large coffee and a chocolate muffin in my hand too).

So, with this in mind, I decided to see if any of these phrases really ‘work’ in my household or am I more likely to rattle them off in a more literal ‘parenting context’?

Don’t spill the Beans. (Honestly, I’ve no more clean outfits in the house).
She’s fallen off the Wagon (go pick her up. I told you that wagon was a bad idea).
You’re pulling my leg. (No really. Stop pulling it. I’m trying to load the dishwasher).
Ask a silly question (…again, or the same question again and again and again).
Blow your own trumpet (that’s your brothers, In fact, give up the noisy toys, both of you).
Let the cat out of the bag (no really. Take it out. Don’t do it again)
Children should be seen and not heard (let’s all take a minute to laugh at this)
Chip on your shoulder (and there are beans everywhere!! I told you already there were no clean clothes!!)
Dogs Dinner!! (…stop playing in the..)
Has the cat got your tongue?(Probably serves you right for putting it in the bag)
Kick back (I don’t care who kicked how first there’s no need to..)
Let sleeping dogs lie (and stay away from his dinner too, ya hear me!!)
My cup of tea (get away from it. It’s hot. Also see: ‘where did I put it down?’ and ‘I’ll stick it in the microwave it’ll be grand’)
Don’t cry over spilt milk (or cornflakes, or spaghetti, or any messy foodstuff really … or not getting the right colour plate…. or even getting the exact thing you asked for 2 minutes ago).
Pull your finger out (it’ll get stuck in there)
The grass is greener on the other side of the fence (our neighbours mustn’t have kids).
The writing is on the wall (please stop drawing on my walls!!).
Things that go bump in the night (like kids falling out of their beds).
When the shit hits the fan (you’ve to move the baby changing unit).
The dye is cast (My new couch is ruined).
Look before you leap (But taken very very literally).
Get off my back (you’ll fall and I’m trying to fold the laundry here).
Climbing the walls (stop, I’ll never get the footprints off).
The gloves are off!! (Ah FFS!! It took 20 minutes to get them on).
At the crack of dawn (remember when this was just a phrase instead of a time you saw?).
Yellow streak (please don’t tell me this yellow streak is what I think it is).
Off your rocker (see: Don’t fall…).
In your birthday suit (you should be in your party outfit, not your birthday suit).
Under the table (have you looked for it there).
Movers and shakers (see ‘kids’ and ‘literal’ again).
When life gives you lemons (Its take away night).
Wash your mouth out (I told you not to eat it).
Beats me (see ‘kids’).
Foot in the door (Watch out!! your sisters got her…).
New lease of life (See: ‘Bedtime with tired kids’).
A sticky wicket (sticky everything really, cos ‘kids’. Could be worse though, it could be ‘yellow streaks’ or even …’brown’).
Long time, no hear (I better go check what they are drawing on).
Off the table (how many times do I have to tell you to get..).
Come apart at the seams (See: ‘all your clothes’).
If the shoe fits (Then it’ll do, were late, again).
Take the biscuit (No really, take it, you just sent me out to get it).
Stand up and be counted (*counts kids “Right everyone’s here! let’s go”).
Will not wash (See: most stains on kids new clothes).
Lost in the wash (See: the sock that completes the outfit)
Get the elbow (see: ‘in your nuts while co-sleeping’)