A Potty Training Toddler Goes To The Beach

June 21, 2017July 19, 2020 joshuasdadjames

Potty training a toddler is not easy, taking them to the beach is madness. A word from the wise, don’t bother.

Tupperware vs Fun

Having finally recovered from a long haul flight, it was finally time for mum, dad, potty training toddler and baby to hit the beach.

By the time Tantrum and Dad come down to the kitchen, the table is full of Tupperware boxes filled neatly with costumes, beach toys and food.

“Bit early for a shoe box appeal isn’t it?” quips Dad.

“It’s 9am, it’s not early for anything when you have been up since 5.30am,” I sigh, waving my coffee cup in the air from my ‘first parent up with baby’ high horse. “This is our beach stuff, I saw a hack on Pinterest about using tupperware boxes as drawers to keep our clothes neat” That was a conversation killer so I promptly throw a lid at his head to show I’m being ironic, although secretly smugly enjoying my genius.

“DON’T THROW! WHAT YOU DONE THAT FOR?” asks Tantrum.

“It’s did, but yes you are right, I am sorry Daddy, that was naughty of me.’

Suncream vs Potty Training Toddler

The girls are wearing full body swimsuits and hats that look like they have been designed by a collaboration between Peppa Pig and the French Foreign Legion.

“Is this necessary? At this rate they will be returning to London with a vitamin D deficiency.” asks Dad, as he chases Tantrum around the room with a bottle of factor 100.

“Haha, of course it is Daddy,” said in exaggerated children’s TV presenter tone “we don’t want them to BURN”. Pull gurning face at him to silently show displeasure at his remarks. Mental note to discuss joined up parenting with him. Pop to the loo to Google “Can you put too much sun protection on a baby?”. Scroll down until finding articles that say its fine to smother them in it.

Dad vs Potty

At the beach car park, I load the buggy with Tupperware and balance a potty precariously on top.

“Why the hell do we need that at the beach? Can’t she just wee in the sea”

“According to Mumsnet.”

“Really? Do any of them work for Pickfords?” He grabs the buggy handles and trundles off across the carpark until he reaches the beach where the front wheel gets stuck in the sand stopping dead and throwing everything else to the ground. He throws the now sandy stuff back into the buggy, takes it by the handles and the front wheel and strides off. “This will do,” he shouts as he loses his footing. Thankfully Tantrum is such a slow walker that we can’t hear him swearing as he kicks the potty in frustration.

Mum’s Dignity vs Beach

“Do you want to sit on the Potty?” I shout after Tantrum as she runs off with her Daddy to the sea for a swim. I grab my iPhone and start taking lots of photos of them. The photoshoot is cut short by baby, who is rubbing sand in her eyes. Worried that she might go blind I panic pour a litre bottle of San Pellegrino over her which only makes her louder and soaks all of the towels in the process. Standing up, I grab a sarong and discretely whip out a boob which she starts to guzzle contendly. Starting to feel smug about my maternal abilities, I try to take a selfie #breastfeedingonthebeach but my sarong falls off and my other boob pops out.

“Nice tits,” shouts Dad, as he strides across the sand with Tantrum in tow.

“Mummy, I done a wee in the sea!!!!”

Have you had funny experiences potty training out and about? Please share your pain in the comments below.

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