‘Tis The Season Of Leg Shaving & Other Things This Mum Hates About Summer!
Ahh summer, what’s not to love – sunny days, warm evenings – yet it’s bittersweet for me. The up side is time off work, no school runs, lie ins, throw anything on the barbeque and call it dinner, washing on the line, sunglasses (an instant fix for makeup free face), the aroma of freshly cut grass and a Mr Whippy 99.
As the words ‘I can’t stand this heat’ fall from my dry, cracking lips, people either agree or react with utter disbelief: “What? How can you not like this weather? What’s wrong with you?”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t HATE summer, just some things about it. So, if you are one of those people who just loves everything about summer then please stop reading now, you’ll only think I’m a whingy ‘ole mare.
If, like me, you are not one of those people, then high five my friend – please read on.
ITS ALL ABOUT THE CHECK-IN
As much as I love the nice weather, I do enjoy being indoors. Summer hols are a time when some days I simply just want to spend the day at home in my pjs, snacking and reading poetry……okay so I lie about the poetry, but recorded episodes of Nashville aren’t going to watch themselves.
Don’t get me wrong I love getting out, just not every single bloody day of the holiday. It only takes a minute on Facebook to make you feel like a bad parent – you should be out, educating your kids and having fun. Not sitting at home licking the Ben and Jerry’s tub clean!
Facebook is awash with people, everywhere showing us all where they are by ‘checking in’:
Betty is in Dull enjoying the history of luggage carousels………..and the kids are just loving it!
Oooh must take mine soon.
Mine have reached that age where I practically have to bribe them to venture out with us, let alone visit some ‘cultural’ spot somewhere to spend a few hours ‘having fun’.
There is a reason why this mum doesn’t make many ‘check ins’ – my page over the summer might read something like this:
- Monday ‘check in’ – ‘Sharon is in her dining room, avoiding the sun and ignoring her kids’.
- Tuesday ‘check in’ – ‘Sharon is at the beach, having fun and convincing her kids they are having fun, yes they will be home very soon‘.
- Wednesday ‘check in’ – ‘Sharon is educating her kids on the history of Burger King.’
- Thursday ‘check in’ – ‘Sharon is now educating the kids on the history of McDonalds.’
- Friday ‘check in’ – ‘Sharon is educating the kids on Chinese history at Wok You Like.’
MY KIDS CAN’T SLEEP
Anything that interferes with Bedtimes is a bloody nightmare. With school out for summer, bedtimes are later and when you factor in nights of 100-degree humidity and four kids, there will be shit loads more whinging than normal.
Constant reshuffling of fans, ‘this fan is useless’, ‘that’s not my fan’, ‘I’m toooooo hotttttttt’ not enough plugs and crap positioning of the ones we have is another addition to the list of ‘reasons not to go to sleep’.
Don’t get me wrong I love spending this ‘extra’ time with my kids but I miss school nights, bedtimes are earlier and I get to spend uninterrupted time with my laptop hubbie.
BOOB SWEAT & HUMID HAIR
Boob sweat is uncomfortable and frizzy hair is not an attractive look. Good hair days are very much dependent on weather conditions, which never seem to suit my mane.
When the sun is shining, what I forget is that the humidity is at 70 percent and will play havoc with my hair.
All my hard work is undone the minute my foot makes contact with the ground. By the time this summer chick reaches work, my hair is a frizzy mess, my non-smudge mascara has totally smudged and I’m rocking the boiled lobster look.
WHAT THE HELL TO WEAR
All around I see mums rocking the cool, chic look without as much as a bead of sweat breaking out. Whereas me, I look like I just left the gym after a gruelling session, and I don’t even go to the gym.
I love jeans but always feel like I’m that one person who wears them to the cries of ‘how can you wear them jeans in this weather”?
Will I wear a dress? in which case I either brave it and a) show my whiter than white legs to the world b) put on fake tan which I’m crap at and can’t be arsed with the prep work or c) fake it with natural tan tights? Jeans it is then!
No matter what I put on, I either seem to have too many layers on, or not enough layers on. I can never find the ‘right’ outfit and I never, EVER seem to have the ‘right’ top or enough summer tops in my wardrobe.
Every year I rush out and buy new, ultra-cool strappy tops only to wear them once just before the heatwave ends.
And what even happens to the tops I bought last year? Not only can I not find them, I can’t actually remember what they look like….but I know I bought some.
IT-DONT-WORK-ODRANT
24-hour antiperspirant, ‘no white mark’ = my arse, enough said.
SEASON OF SHAVING
Having enjoyed the winter off from shaving my legs its now back to the weekly ritual of shaving and sticking tiny bits of tissue to various parts of my legs.
I can no longer get away with just shaving the bit around the ankle, its all or nothing. And of course, there is always that one little patch you don’t see until you are out in public.
Not forgetting my poor hubbie whose face, according to him, ends up ripped to bits because I have used his razor. #dramatic.
DRIVING
One thing I hate most about driving, and one my husband thinks I have a fear off, is Petrol Stations, mainly the petrol pump to fill the car up with petrol.
On a summer day other things I hate about driving is:
- Getting into a car after its been sat, locked up in direct sunlight all day.
- Sticking to the seats and back of knee sweat.
- Putting the air conditioning on for a nano second and obsessing over fuel consumption.
- Opening the windows to let the warm air in.
- Turning my ‘uncool’ music down at the traffic lights.
SUNCREAM APPLICATION
Let’s be honest, what parent enjoys putting sun cream on their kids? I HATE it, whinging kids who don’t sit still is no fun. Go within a millimetre of their eye area with the suncream and they react like you are about to poke them in the eye with a stick. Of course, there is always the miniscule amount that makes it into their eye bringing any further application to an abrupt end.
It’s up there with being the worst thing about summer for me. School mornings are fraught enough without adding sun cream into the equation. The worst thing of all is, I don’t always send them into school with it on! To my shame I will readily admit:
- I convince myself that they are not outside long enough for it to matter
- It would have worn off before play time anyway!
- er….err..um…mmm…actually I have no other excuse.
THINGS THAT FLY
Our house is like a holiday destination for anything with wings. It’s a time when I literally become obsessed with windows, doors and lights being on or open.
At night blood curdling screams of ‘muuuuuuuuuummmmmmm there’s a wasp/mosquito/fly in my room’ can be heard throughout the neighbourhood and I’m up and down more times than a fiddler’s elbow to rid their rooms of all winged intruders.
It’s a time when I battle with my conscience of: Do I just squat it? Guide it out the window? Or hunt down the fly spray and choke myself and deplete the ozone layer? All done whilst shouting one of the following commonly used phrases in Summer:
- Who let that bloody fly in?
- Hurry up and shut that door before anything else gets in.
- FFS who left the bloody light on.
- Who left the door open?
- What have I told you about leaving the light on?
THEME PARKS
Queues, whingy kids, crap rides = tortuous, enough said.
Anyone with me on this? Anyone………?
This post was first published here. For more from Everyone’s Buck Stops Here, click on the image below or any of the recent posts!
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