What Do A Tyre, Leaves, & A Cockroach Have In Common?

December 12, 2017October 14, 2019 joshuasdadjames

I never considered how stressful learning to walk would be. I figured I am large and fast, the baby is small and therefore slow – I’ll just catch him before he can get into any shenanigans.

I was wrong.

When we get home at the end of the day, I usually carry Baby J into the house, (you know, because he is a baby) along with my purse, pumping bag, diaper bag, kitchen sink, and whatever other necessities I have accumulated throughout the day – because making two trips is for suckers. But he has been getting better at walking – and I was SO tired yesterday – and he is SOO heavy now – so I thought maybe, just maybe, he could be a champ and pull his own weight (literally and figuratively) and walk himself the ten yards from our driveway to the front door.

Wrong again.

I gently placed my darling baby boy down on the ground, and he sweetly grabbed my hand and smiled up at me – we were off to a good start – and then he turned his head, stuck out his tongue, and proceeded to take a nice, big, juicy lick of the front driver’s side tyre of my car. Whyyyy?

I dropped all of my bags and the kitchen sink, and re-directed my precious child away from the car and positioned him toward the house. Minor set back, but we were back on track. He took two toddling steps toward the door, and then crouched down to pick up some dirt and leaves and a stick. He proudly handed them to me like they were rare jewels he had uncovered, beaming his charming three-toothed little smile.

I accepted the gift, only to have him immediately crouch down, and pick up another handful of twigs and dirt and leaves. Again, he proudly bestowed upon me his exotic discovery. Okay, lovely, just what I always wanted. Then, again. Then, on the fourth handful of priceless treasures for Mommy, instead of placing the twigs and dirt and leaves in my oh-so-eagerly waiting palm, he veered his tiny little hand up at the last second, straight to his mouth.

C’mon, kid! I swear I feed my child. (See my prior post on baby food, DIY Baby Food Meal Prep Is Simpler Than You Think, for evidence that my hubby and I painstakingly take the time to make food for our precious baby.) At least leaves are organic? Are leaves organic??

After getting as much of the twig and leaf mixture out of his mouth as I could, we managed to toddle a few more steps toward the house – and made it all the way to the garden bed. We were maybe ten feet or so from the front door — we were almost “home” free! (see what I did there?) He squatted down again, I presumed to collect more earthen treasures. He picked up what looked like a little black leaf, (you know where this is going) and shoved it straight into his tiny mouth. As I got closer, I realized to my horror, IT. WAS. NOT. A. LEAF. I don’t want to talk about it. I jusy can’t. It makes me feel queasy. It had legs. “Had” being the operative word.

27 minutes after parking in my driveway and starting this adventure to the front door, I picked up Baby J and carried him into the house, defeated, leaving my 53 bags and kitchen sink in the driveway.

It may be a few ~~years~~ days before we try this whole “walking” thing again…

This post was first published here on the website of our lovely new contributor Every Day J. For more of the same click on the image or any of the links below, unless you’re viewing through Facebook in which case click on anything that looks like a link above!